Hate and anger are two emotions that you may encounter on your path. Being sexually victimized is one of those experiences in which it may be unsafe to express those emotions at the time of the victimization. In healing and recovery, you may experience these emotions again.
Resolving the thinking behind these emotions can happen only after they have been given the respect and honour that they deserve - that you deserve. This is done by finding ways to express them, safely, without dumping them all over anyone who comes near you. That may happen too - it sometimes goes with the territory - particularly if you bottle up your anger and hate.
Speaking of bottling up emotions, Maggie (not her real name) believed that hate is a sin. She felt hate towards her abusive father, but bottled it and corked it. Knowing that she felt hate only served to convince her that she was a worthless human being. "Hate is a sin. Because I hate my father, I am sinful and worthless. I should forgive him. I can't forgive him, therefore I'm evil." These are the thoughts that Maggie identified.
Having learned that these are just thoughts, that thoughts shape good emotional energy, Maggie was able to engage in challenging and disputing her ban against feeling hate and anger. Here is how she did it:
"Maybe hate is a sin and maybe it isn't, but it is what sexual abuse victims feel. I feel that way. Who are these people who have the nerve to speak for God and say that I should be able to be so perfect that I can handle my victimization perfectly. How can they speak for God? What nerve! What pretention! Maybe I will forgive one day and maybe I won't. Who speaks for God and says that God cannot understand what happened to me? God can handle what has happened."
In this manner, Maggie gave herself permission to experience her own life energies in whatever form they presented themselves.
Sorting out anger- and hate-making thinking is something that happens after the anger and hate have been validated - given the space to unfold, to be expressed and to be respected.
Forgiveness can happen too, but usually when the healing process is more advanced. It is not something to strive for immediately. It will come in its own time, as a result of the maturation of your thinking - and when the time is right, you will know it. Forgiveness is your choice and no one else's. You have been sexually victimized. If you choose to get to the point where you are able to forgive your offender, you will find that the route to that point involves expressing, honouring and healing your emotions first.