One excellent way of expressing thoughts and feelings is to write a letter (one that you will not mail) to the person who sexually victimized you. In this exercise, the thing is to be completely uncensored - to let it all out in whatever language works for you, regardless of any thinking errors. It's an exercise in honouring your feelings and naming what has happened to you. Many people find it helpful.
Here are two samples, with the names changed to respect the privacy of the writers. Both individuals have allowed their letters to be used. Thanks team! The first letter has been written by an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. She writes to her father. The second letter was written by a thirteen year old girl who was raped by an older teenaged boy. Notice that both of these courageous individuals have not censored their thoughts and feelings.
Dear Dad,
I think you are a bastard. You ruined my life. I never got to feel what it was like to have my first kiss. I never got to choose who I slept with the first time. You took it all away from me. The kids at school used to tease me and I felt like a dirty filthy rag. You hurt me so bad I couldn't stay in my body. You beat me, you moulded me. You showed me you had the power. The power to take a baby and rip her heart out, bash her around a bit, enter any opening she had in her body including her eyes and ears. You licked me all over and it made me feel like a repulsive whore. You told me I was so good in bed that you'd have me there all the time. What a pig. What a Fucking Pig. So maybe you were abused. Why I'm still alive I don't know! You were a disgrace to mankind. I'm still awfully afraid of you but sometimes I feel like taking a gun and blowing you away then laughing Ha Ha Ha no that's too good for you I think you should be torched and slowly pull your fingernails out first one by one pour boiled wax over you.
Your Daughter
Linda
Dear Jailbird,
Tommy I am writing to you because I want you to know how much you hurt me and my family that night in the country you knew what was gonna happen you son of a bitch you had no right to do anything you lieing pice of shit you did so know my age everybody told you, the night you parked up the road and you never said a fucking word of what you were planning. Oh what did you do pay the Judge off how I looked had nothing to do with it fuck I guess I should have listened to Samantha. She had the right idea how you are with girls. So how many did you rape so far proble all the town. And you knew I was a virgen at the time well just thought I'd let you know that I don't think it will be safe for you to come back. I am not afraid of you and if you pull that trick on anybody else I hope you rot in jail ya sorry son of a bitch all you are is a losser and a user and that is all you will ever amount to. I would rather die then to see your ugly face around here anymore. I probly would die by looking at your ugly fuckin face. You know what I hope that you don't come back. I'll probly feel sorry for you axcuily I won't. I'll laugh at you then I'll get my dog to shit on your ugly face it might be an improvement man. I wish so hard I can make you feel the same way you made me feel you made me feel like nothing and you know what I am not something I am a somebody and I will always be somebody weather you like it or not there are shit fucken better then you. I hate you for ruining my life . You allmost runed the most wonderful that that could ever happen to me. Mary
By taking this kind of safe opportunity to puke your guts out (excuse the language, but it fits) on paper, you are honouring your feelings, no matter what they are. Rather than making the emotional pain worse, this relieves it. It breaks the secrecy spell and opens the door to further healing. Both of the writers of these letters were refreshed and happier at the end of the writing exercise. The ban against feeling was broken. This opens the door to more easily working with self-defeating thinking.