Panic attacks (also know as anxiety attacks) are no fun. They are scary as hell and demoralizing. They provoke depression-creating thinking, particularly the self-pity and self-blame kind. They are, however, just habituated thought patterns and they are common to people who have been sexually victimized.
In order to have thought patterns which cause panic, you must first have had moments of real panic in your life. Secondly, you must not have had the opportunity to allow the panic thinking to mature. The secrecy-maintaining pressures will have helped to do this.
Sexual victimization very often causes panic when it is happening. This leaves the individual with the panic thought-form established in his or her mental set. Unless it is attended to by re-thinking, it may become habituated. When a person, particularly a child, is re-victimized again and again, the panic thinking can become a very persistent habit.
Panic thinking can be activated by very modest disappointments, or it may sometimes seem to appear out of the blue. You can tell a panic attack from reality-based panic because it happens when there is nothing really worth panicking about. If you just fell into the ocean and you can't swim, you might panic, but that is more reasonable. There is justification for the panic, even though panic isn't a good idea even in that situation. Panic attacks don't match up with what is really happening on the outside of you. They happen on the inside. They are a real experience, involving real feelings which need to be honoured rather than damned.
If you suffer from panic attacks, you will have developed means of coping with them. You may resort to beer, bingo, or drugs. You may find that music helps to get you through it. You may use crisis lines, crisis counsellors, psychiatric wards, medication or food. You may find friends to be with or to phone, places to go to or place to avoid. Somehow, you manage to get through these tough moments. Hear this: Right on! Continue to do these things if they work for you. It's how you are taking care of yourself.
but they have an unfortunate cost to them in the long run - a cost to your bank account, relationships, health and well-being. These coping devices may be useful in the short run and it is not a good reason for a self-inflicted guilt trip, since you are just trying to take care of your needs. However, give some consideration to what follows.
Panic can be overcome, since it is just habituated thinking. This kind of thinking is in your noggin for a very good reason. Any healthy, normally functioning human being would have it after being sexually victimized. No blame.
Panic attacks come and go. No panic attack lasts. You have a perfect track record for having your panic attacks give up and go away, sooner or later. Remember. They never last.
Thoughts move very quickly during a panic attack. The first thing that you can do is to slow down your thoughts. Breathing slowly can help to do this. Soothing music can help too. Stopping to write down your thoughts, uncensored, as they happen, can slow things down. Experiment with ways that will do this for you. How can you challenge, debate and dispute thinking that is moving at the speed of light?
Once you have managed to slow down your thinking, look for common garden variety faulty beliefs and attack them vigorously. Keep up the criticism of these faulty beliefs. Become a royal pain in the butt to them. Strive to find a larger understanding. The truth will set you free. Talk to yourself nonstop. Challenge, dispute and debate the habituated thoughts that say: "This is horrible. I can't stand this. Help! Something terrible is happening."
With practice, the habituated thinking will have problems maintaining its momentum. Continue to use your normal escape/coping methods if you need them, but keep an eye to the next time that you and your panic thinking can have a wrestling match. All it takes is persistence. I'm sure you have lots of that.
Persistent panic attacks are a sign that you could benefit from working with a qualified therapist. Advise your doctor as well. There may be a place for medication to support your efforts.