Let's get down to basics. Shit happens. Bad or difficult things happen to all of us some of the time. As a result, we feel rotten some of the time. Sometimes we end up feeling rotten a lot of the time. Survivors of sexual abuse and assault often fall into this category.
It looks like this:
This diagram illustrates how emotions seem to work. Something happens and we feel good or bad, happy or unhappy, angry, sad, exhilarated, depressed or whatever. That is, things that happen to us, will determine how we feel. This notion is imbedded right into our language, as in: "You made me angry!" or, "I'm depressed because of . . . . !" We believe that it is things outside of us that cause us to feel a certain way.
Now hear this: External events don't cause emotions.
This may seem to be a wonky kind of statement, but don't worry. An explanation is coming.
It is a darn good thing that this is not how feelings really work, because if it was, then we would be doomed to only feel good when good stuff was happening. We would be emotionally chained to the events that go on around us. Our lives would have to magically become free of tough, shitty situations for us to be happy most of the time. That sounds like mission impossible, since as we all know, shit happens some of the time. It certainly looks like bad events cause us to feel bad. Again, this is not the case. Keep reading.
