To become depressed, you have to dress your emotional energies in the clothing of self-recrimination, self-persecution and such. Typically you will be presenting yourself with arguments and evidence which verifies your self-defeating position. So, good news. You already know how to argue. It may be habituated argumentation, but it is argumentation nonetheless. There is no fence-sitting in this game. You are either dissolving depression-shaping arguments or you are making them. It's one or the other. Let's check out a few examples.
Note: We do not suppress the depression in this approach. We bring it out, so that the thinking shows itself. We honour the emotional energies no matter what costumes they are wearing. We take the truth-seeking approach. We ask: "Is it true that I am such a bag of buffalo bagels? Am I really so worthy of damnation?"
We do not assume the answer before investigating. Assuming the answer to a question before getting to it is a standard thinking error, highly prevalent amongst those of us who have generated high octane depressions. Try not to assume your horribleness. Investigate with an open mind.
Sexual victimization creates thinking that is applied to other life experiences - thinking that continues to reach the mistaken conclusion again and again: "I'm a rotten person." Sexual victimization can leave a healthy human being feeling lonely, isolated and emotionally needy. In that state, she or he will experience a dire need for attention, affection and acceptance, and will say lots of I-gotta-have statements and negative human worth statements. A self-damning mental set will result in behaviour which confirms it. This is a vicious circle and a double-whammy to boot.
For instance, you may have engaged in self-abusive behaviour. You may have used this behaviour as conclusive evidence of your worthless nature. Danger! Thinking error!
ks for affection, acceptance and attention using sex as The Answer. The sex doesn't really make the grade as a needs-meeting device though. In fact, it might even magnify the sense of degradation and of humiliation.
We have learned that many adolescent prostitutes have sexual victimization in their backgrounds. Makes sense, doesn't it? Other victims report episodes of promiscuity. The deepest, darkest secrets of some victims have to do with their own actions - subsequent to their victimization. They hold themselves to blame because they actually did these so-called horrible deeds. No one else did. No one made them do these things. They call themselves by these erroneous names: tramp, whore and slut. Sometimes other people may use these inaccurate put-downs to refer to these citizens. Mental pollution is all over the place.
The realistic goal is to be able, with conviction, to say these two words: "So what!" It's called accepting yourself. Easy to say, but it can be achieved by expanding your understanding. Don't stop reading now.
Some victims of child sexual abuse report having used objects to masturbate with, or having had dogs lick their genitals - usually during an extremely isolated, depressed, lonely period. This is used as evidence of their horribleness - sometimes for years afterwards. They are anything but horrible. In fact, the real, live people who have shared this kind of secret with me are among the heroes and heroines in my life. The courage and honesty required to participate in these conversations is inspiring.
The task is to find the unchallenged position statements that are at the root of the guilt, shame and self-hate. The goal is to fully understand that these position statements are unsound, illogical, wonky, nonsensical and invalid - and then to relish the truth: "I am innocent, I did the best I could. I'm not a lousy person because I wasn't a picture of perfection. That idea is crap. I know that now."
"I must be perfect. I am capable of being so perfect that not only can I handle sexual victimization perfectly, but also the entire aftermath of it." Does this sound familiar?
"I have masturbated with an object or had a dog lick my genitals, therefore I am a horrible, sick person, worthy of nothing. Period. Absolutely. Unquestionably. For sure."
"I have had all kinds of sex with many different people. I let myself be used sexually. I must be a slut."
These statements ignore this truth: There is health in that kind of behaviour. At every point in life, we humans try to meet our needs. Some days we do this well, and some days we are unsuccessful. That is exactly what you do too. You try to take care of your needs. That is what is behind it all. Again and with feeling: You try to take care of your needs. That's healthy. Period. You did the best that you could in tough, complicated circumstances. You did as good as a whole lot of other people in the same boat. Some of those needs meeting attempts may not have worked well, but through trial and error, you are learning. That's being human.
Self-damning statements also ignore the fact that those experiences are normal for many victims. Sexualized behaviour is a part of the victim experience for many people. No one is prepared for the victimization experience and all that comes with it. The mental set of a human being takes an enormous wallop during sexual victimization. Do you believe that you are somehow more able to cope than the rest of the human race? Did you ride a bicycle perfectly the first time you tried? Why do you think that you could have handled victimization perfectly, when it is a much heftier challenge than bicycling. Challenge shame and guilt. Think it out. Read. Get informed. You are not shameful.
to argue, debate and dispute these looney assumptions about your behaviour and your worth. Many people do these things, even when they haven't been victimized. You don't have the market cornered at all. Most people are too ashamed to acknowledge these private experiences though.
Take masturbation for example. Even though we now know that is is a normal behaviour, practised by most people, who admits to it? The world is not very grown up some days is it? Do not take its weird should's and should not's as a model of rational thinking.