Sexual victimization is an emotional-mental well-being issue, and a legal-criminal matter. These two aspects don't always fit together very well. They are sometimes incompatible with one another. What is sexually victimizing in a legal sense and what is humanly hurtful can be two different things.
When citizens report sexual victimization, certain types of professionals (child protection workers, police officers, crowns counsel, etc.) are legally required to investigate the allegations, to find the proof, the convincing evidence, that it has or has not really happened.
Courts of law consider the evidence supporting a criminal charge of sexual violence. They have rigid rules about what can be presented as evidence in a trial. These rules may not appear very sensible to us some of the time.
Courts pass judgement and assign consequences to those who are found guilty. Courts of law say to the offender: "You're guilty (or not guilty)".
What they really mean is something different. They mean this:
"As best we can determine, solely on the basis of the evidence presented within our tight-assed rules about acceptable evidence, and abiding by the exact wording of our laws, our interpretations of the wording of these laws, and in spite of, or because of any unconscious biases on our part, you're guilty (or not guilty)."
Thus, when it cannot be proven in court, a sexual offender will be found not guilty, even when he really did the criminal deed. This is not the only complication you need to be aware of. Here's a few more.
Laws about sexual violence are generally based upon the principle of consent. This principle means that it's just fine if two people have sex, as long as they both say okay. If both people do not give consent, then its definitely not okay, in fact, it's a sex crime. The principle of consent translates into laws about having sex without your consent, against your will, because of force, fear, physical assault, threats and so on. In Canada, children are considered to be unable to give consent if they are younger than 14 years old. Legally, a child who is 13 years, 364 days old is in a different category than those who are 13 years, 365 days old (not counting leap years). Cross that line and suddenly you are considered mature enough to be able to give consent. What a difference a day makes.
Defining laws which can cover any situation in which there is an absence of consent, has been very troublesome for our lawmakers. For example, if one person is shit-faced drunk, is she or he capable of giving consent? What does consent mean when one human is much more manipulative than another? Even when there is an obvious difference in social skills and intellectual ability, as in the case of the sexual victimization of a mentally handicapped citizen, the legal system has problems.
Finding effective wording for laws about sexual violence is really a tough assignment, and one that is unfinished business in our society. There has been lots of revision to these laws in the past, and we can expect more in the future.
The law and the legal system are imperfect. They will not necessarily be able to account for what has happened to you in real life. Until the verdict and the sentence are given, you cannot know the result of a court action. So here's a thinking error to dispute:
"I cannot heal, if the person who sexually victimized me is found not guilty by the court"
Even in cases that boil down to the victim's word against the offender's word, and even when the legal system is imperfect, there can be successful prosecutions of sexual offenders. Since there is no law saying that you must bring forth your complaint within a certain amount of time, you can do this at any point in the future. There is no statute of limitations on the reporting of sex crimes in Canada. In our country, there are court actions happening, concerning sexual victimization that occurred decades ago. Sometimes old evidence is kind of shaky, and sometimes it isn't, but remember this: Time is on your side.
You don't even have to charge the person who sexually victimized you. When you decide to use the legal system, your main job is to provide information to the police and the crown counsel (district attorney in the U.S.). They consider your information and bring charges if they think they have a solid case. That is their job, not yours. Your job, if you want it, is to provide information.
There are lots of details for you to consider. Use the expertise available. Why not start with your friendly neighbourhood victim services worker or sexual assault counsellor? Get the information. Take your time. Think about it. Take care of yourself. The most important thing is that you feel good about yourself. The second most important thing is to stop sex offenders. Time is on your side.
Investigations into allegations of sexual victimization are usually done by child protection workers, police officers or both. It's a task which is mandated to them - legally they have to investigate all such complaints, and they cannot get out of that responsibility.
The activities of investigation are a force which runs into an opposing force - the force of the secrecy-maintaining mental and emotional states of victims, offenders and people associated with both of them. Statutory (legal) responsibilities and psychological realities can collide with the victim sitting in the middle.
The secrecy-keeping mental and emotional state of victims is a genuine dilemma for investigators and for victims. (A dilemma is a predicament with two undesirable choices.) On one hand there is the responsibility to investigate. On the other hand there is the risk of re-traumatizing the victim.
Ask the average citizen to describe in graphic detail her or his most recent sexual experience. You will run into the privacy-keeping mental and emotional state of the citizen. You will be told mind your own beeswax, and this is small potatoes indeed compared with the secrecy-keeping state of victimized citizens.
Investigations are also at odds with psychological realities because sexual victimization can be traumatic to the extent that the ability to remember is impaired. Remembering with any accuracy may simply not be possible. The victim may be immobilized by fear of the offender and his friends, by shame, depression, or by fear of what their own friends and family will think of them.
It is true that thinking patterns shape all of these emotions, however, they are there for a darn good reason - that is exactly what sexual victimization does. Sexual victimization traumatizes thinking patterns and the emotional energies. That's how it works. It is not something that any of us are immune to. Therefore - no blame for feeling badly.
Investigations and court proceedings can be traumatic all by themselves. This is called secondary victimization. In the face of this, some victims will recant - say they were mistaken, or that they made it up. If you have done this, check out this thinking error:
"Because I changed my story, I'm a worthless person who will never be believed again."
If this is your thinking, get off the mark and dispute this self-damning, illogical position. Here's a sample counterposition - work to understand it as clearly as you can: "I am not worthless, I am mixed up emotionally and having a pretty rough ride. No wonder. It's no crime to be feeling this way. It's what happens to victims of sex crimes. It's a normal response to a tough gig. Lots of people out there are finally starting to understand what we are going through. It is a good idea to get in touch with some of those folks. I am obviously doing my best to take care of myself. Am I supposed to handle this kind of thing perfectly? Really? I felt trapped, with only one alternative available. Okay. The other alternatives are still there when I am ready. The doors to healing are not closed. They are always open."
Doing effective, caring investigations into sexual victimization is a specialty, and its body of skills and knowledge is constantly being revised, updated and upgraded. My hat is off to investigators who take the time and trouble to develop skills and practices that are sensitive to the special needs of victims of sex crimes.